Epitaph written for Faith by Laota.
Here lies Faith Bowie, a jolly old soul,
They found her in a Three Stooges cereal bowl.
With a mouth full of teeth and teeth full of venom,
She hated the Christians and was always again’ ‘em.
She came from the Devil, or so I’ve been told,
By a gypsie what claims to be centuries old!
He said she developed from poison and coal,
That Satan mixed up in his cereal bowl.
She grew like a weed, and stank like a daisey,
Moved like a dancer, but danced like a crazy.
She couldn’t go a week without dying her hair,
Or open her mouth without making a swear
Faith liked the fellas, and they liked her back,
When she freed them from Laota’s ‘gentleman sack’.
But freedom was fleeting for the fellas the night,
For Laota and Faith teamed-up for the fight
They fastened their bootstraps and their attitude pins,
They tracked down the men and re-sacked them again!
And for many years since, they were comrades in arms,
With their prostitute looks, and their prostitute charms.
And their prostitute clothes, and their prostitute money,
And their prostitute stories that were terribly funny-.
But Faith was a good girl, and never a whore,
And never dropped cadavers in the reservoir,
And never flipped tortoises onto their backs.
(Laota just says so to cover her tracks.)
They hunted their Dinosaur Rival last fall-.
T’was a fight that demolished Montreal,
‘Til all that was left was his Dinosaur spleen,
A top hat, a cape, and a “way-back” machine.
But the “way-back” machine caused nothing but trouble,
So they buried it under canadian rubble.
Some say that Faith went back to retrieve it,
But that’s a damn lie, and you shouldn’t believe it!
Just ask her dodo, or her saber-toothed cat,
Or her chim-i-ney sweep with his brown durby hat.
Or whatever was left of the Dinosaur,
That nobody dropped in the reservoir.
Yes, Faith t’was a lady, as good as they comes
She had manners and talent, and a box full of thumbs….
But the best thing about her, when the story ends?
She’s buried tn concrete with her horrible friends.
Her last words were meaningful, wise and serene:
“Don’t let any bastards near my ‘way-back’ machine!”
