Who’s the black private dick, sex machine to all the chicks? Faith? Well, no. Everything in that sentence is true except for the part about me being a private dick, because I tend to show it to everyone and therefore it’s a public dick. Am I just confusing you?

Well, fine then. I’ll just tell you my life story. It was a dark and stormy night, just like this one! Three campers, just like us, were roasting marshmallows….

I was born on November 9th, 1979 in Washington State and am now the big, fat Queen of Hearts.

My only blood sibling ( there are 13 of us ) is Laota, who’s also my best friend, my confidant and the most irritating person I know. I’m not irritating, by the way. Or annoying in any fashion. And you only THINK I’m fat, because there’s something wrong with your eyes. You should really get that checked out.

I currently reside in Asscrack, Missouri where it’s a mile walk to the grocery store and three miles to a pay phone. The nearest Wal-Mart is 25 miles away, I shit you not, and there are about 1800 people in this town.

My cat, Shortcake, is an prima donna, a drama queen, an asshole and a liar but I love her just the same and my dog Sassy will always have a place in my heart. Best dog ever. Imagine a dog you could walk with, without a leash, who’d go where you went and could be left outside to play by herself without fear of her running away or even leaving your backyard? Damn straight, best dog ever.

My parents, Mother, Father and Step Father, were/are abusive, lying assholes and were I to get into the particulars we’d be here all day.

I’m crazy insane about Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Hawaiian, Mexican, American, Russian and Scandinavian culture.

I was born and raised in America, though I’ve been elsewhere, and while I love my country to the point of El Cobonging you for it, I can’t get behind the current administration on one damn choice they’ve made. I think they’re retarded, like most other Christians, and if they love their Zombie SkyJew so much they should at least follow his teachings instead of trying to re-write the Constitution around the stupid things they’ve already done.

PRO: Choice, Homosexual Rights, Minority Rights, Freedom of Religion ( Pagans, yay! ), Freedom of Speech, The Right To Protest, ect.

ANTI: Christian ( though I’m for your right to believe any way you choose ), Minority Opression ( This includes, but is not limited to, racial, sexual, religious and political minorities ), ect.

I hate Christians, and Muslims, come to think of it. I don’t hate the religions, I mean I’m not really fond of either, but it’s really the people I can’t stand. I’m not a big fan of anyone who worships a single deity, they tend to think I have to do it, too, and that they have every right to force me. If you’re thinking about it, don’t, I push back. Hard.

I don’t like you. To be fair, I don’t know you, but I’ve met enough people that I can ballpark how I’ll feel about you.

You seem to think it’s your way or the highway. Bite me, motherfucker, all ways here are my ways.

You don’t believe anything is done the right way unless it’s something you already do, then it can’t be questioned. I think I already said bite me, didn’t I?

You can’t be reasoned with. I hate that. If you can’t be reasoned with, then shut it. Say it on your own blog, since I don’t go there I don’t have to see it. I don’t need a lecture, you’re not my mother and you sure as hell aren’t God.

I can’t shut up.

I’ve got it in my head that I’m better than you, and I can’t seem to shake that mindset.

I know enough to mind my own business.

I’m honest. To a degree of horrible faulty-ness.

I’m not going to bother you with eight thousand questions, I’d rather figure it out myself.

I read, I learn, I grow and I really love my Gods. I’ll give you odds that you probably can’t say the same.